Friday, November 06, 2009

I never wanted to grow older.


The comfort and security she got from the cold wind just repeatedly brushing against her skin, dancing in the sounds she'd chosen, in the sights she'd picked... it was more than anything she'd ever had. More than crying into the arms of a loved one, more than having someone to assure her, more than a hug even. Because right that moment, she had someone there for her, someone she knew would never leave her, someone who would never fail her- Herself.

" One day man will fail me", she warned herself repeatedly, yet she kept forgetting. Yet, she still tried to find happiness in others. She still naively believed that because their happiness meant so much to her, hers would too, to them.

She forgets that people aren't always up for reciprocation, that most of the time she could be running down that one way street with nothing for her but that exhaustion and pain as she collapses from running down that endless road. No one to stop her so she could breathe slow, no one to stop her so she could rest, no one to run with her, no one to take her hand and tell her " stop, that's enough..."

Ironically enough, she still wants to run along that path. Run till she finds that one person who would. She still believes, you know? That one day she would find that person who would.

And that night was beautiful...
the cold wind's carress,
the solitude,
the rarity of the moment
and how everything else was forgotten.
She was completely immersed.

Then she pressed stop, gone was もう一度, she did her eyeliner, she buckled those leathery straps.
And she told herself
"back to reality".

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