Sunday, October 18, 2009

stolen time


" 101 Dummy's Guide on : HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF. "

If i saw that book on the shelf, i'd definitely grab it. Yesterday was another bad case of self-hate, self-doubt... Sometimes i find myself absolutely amazing how i can go from 100 to 0 in seconds, yea, mere moments. But i'm alright today, for now at least, woke up seeing myself in a center parting and.... couldnt really be half-assed about it so that's good.

I really love the days when i wake up all fine, bright, raring to start out on things to do, regardless of what they are. Days when i can stare at myself in the mirror and feel i look alright, when all i do is tweeze at stray brows, adjust my hair, paint on kohl and slap on baby powder. Definitely on the upside rather than seeing my reflection and thinking about reconstruction, like a major overhaul so that i get myself a new mask. Love those days when i love myself that little bit more, when those devilish insecurities creep up on me and i can just slap them away like pesky mosquitoes.

Somebody, teach me self-love.
Teach me that because i have narry a hint of how to. How to stop myself from comparing my flaws with the perfections of others and forgetting that they too , are flawed. How to view myself in the light that i view others- accepting, empathetic , non-critical and non-superficial. How to learn to be that tad bit more selfish that i leave some of the good light for myself. How to not link everything that goes wrong with my imperfections.

How to truely love myself so that i could open my heart and really love others.
And not doubt their love for me just because i feel that that isn't anything to love in a creature like me, it's unfair to them.

It's 3.42 i should have been in lecture 42 min ago to have a taste of my first day in school after one an a half months. But no, i'm granting myself some me time now (: I was always rushing off somewhere, meeting people, working ... for the entire hols. I never got down to sorting out my thoughts like i wanted to, or my fancy shamcy diys, or packing up my room.
So now's ME time, just me alone in my house, even my cats are happily sleeping.
So i'm stealing back stolen time (:

Thinking of moving, because i've got another URL in mind that matches me now.
ayozicockroach was sec1 you know? gah, but i'll miss it so, i have an issue of letting things go. Plus people will have to link me again, so troublesome ._. we'll see.

and i've got several projects on my mind now (;
I want to make every single one of them come true, that one particular one is so far-fetched but it means alot to me.
" Don't say you'll try your best, DO IT "

- baby kai.

Such a splattered post.
Desperate attempt at self-love.....

#1 why i should love myself more:
I save snails.

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