Saturday, August 01, 2009

and when it goes two ways..


It's sunday. Weekends always pass so quickly. Eager for Fri and when it comes i look forward to saturday. I enjoy myself thoroughly and the next thing i know. It's sunday and the dreaded mondays are here again. i wish saturdays dint pass so quickly, they mean so much to me.

Dance in the morning and we did lyrical, I'l learning to come out of my reggae-bounce shell. Something new and i liked the feeling. Then 2 groups showcase their suntec choreos and i felt a certain pang. Mixed with anxiety, exasperation and doubt... We have nothing yet. Nothing. Apart from the song all thanks to nana. Guess i'll continue having faith, Basic instinct shall break some boundaries :)

Then it was down to collect some stuff and meeting baby. It was esplanade for some research, then suntec and marina square...Meetups, nonsense, window shopping and more nonsense.Finally we settle down at clarke quay. Thai food by the river, sieving through all the issues all the problems, me babbling on and on about my life,kbox with photog memoirs, the sweet nothings and and... happiness.

happiness when things are working out, when disagreements and issues don't blow up into huge quarrels but are sieved through bit by bit. The inevitable hits and misses but at the end of the day, all is good. And dipping into the waters of unrequitedness on either side, then finally finding reciprocation that goes 2 ways...the feeling is just inexplicable. And it is nice, it is sweet and it truely in every sense of the word brings a newfound happiness. One of days to look forward to, of making sure everything is routineless yet stress free, of more levels of understanding, of accomodation. Risks were never my forte. I cower in closet fear, i draw away, i shun. But this was a risk i took, this was a choice i made despite all the negativitiy. Of people judging me without hearing or really bothering to hear my side of the story. But it all fades away... all that shit. Because i realised nobody could truely understand unless they've stepped in my shoes, and been caught up in that very same moment of life.

And when it all fades away, the real things that matter become so much more apparent. Life is all about two hands to clap, relationships in life all are. One sided affairs are meaningless, because no matter how much happiness you get from loving and caring for another person,, when you truely question yourself deep down, you'll find emptiness. And longing, because the relationship could be so much more meaningful if only the other person was making that very same effort to do so. Those people who bother to respond, to try, are those to keep by your side. To keep close to your heart. It could be weeks apart, months without news, too caught up with life, too busy coping...But if amidst all that, and those faces, certain memories still slip in despite all the fuzz... then that's someone. Someone that means something. And sometimes, it just takes a small note, small text, small call to truely just realise.

I've only got that very few special people.

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