Monday, July 06, 2009

wished you were there

I was walking home and I saw these people sitting on the bench. I felt terribly upset watching on as this old women sat on the other end of the bench from the couple, alone and nearly falling off. I felt her loneliness and the tention that existed in the space between them. This photograph basically points out that sometimes we can be the most alone in this world when we are surrounded by others...

-Naksatra, Deviantart.

Makes me think of A Cinderella Story
" You could be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone."

Basically right now, i am quite screwed. There's no way they can alter my attendance.
because what i got was a TIME SHEET. A FUCKING TIMESHEET.
And that just doesnt warrant as an mc. Seriously as much as i would love to just cuss and blame the doctor,the only one at fault is me. So many maybes and regrets of what nots but i shant start, what's done cant be undone.

The only way now, is for me to be a complete Saint during Mgen so that Dr David Hu would be able to help me appeal at the end of the semester.
Timely wake up call, i guess this is it.
I got to stop screwing up my life.

As such as i am tempted to wallow in self-pity and sorrow, even if i were to drown in all my fucking insecurities and issues, everything still goes on. And i'll be the only one hanging off the thread like a loser.

Today was another rollercoaster ride.

After speaking to paul cheong and stuff with the malay aunty at the counter quite insistently shooting me down, i went to look for Dr David Hu.
He was really nice and all and i sincerely don intend to let him down so after this i'm gonna go complete my mgen tutorials.
Right the moment i turned away from him, i was just so overwhelmed that i started to tear.
Took my phone, dialed those numbers....

And I just stared at the screen.
From a stare to a glaze with countless thoughts just darting about in my head.
Suddenly those numbers seemed less familiar.
Suddenly they seemed so much more foreign.
And i just flipped by phone shut.
Took in a deep breath concocted with a sigh.
And at that moment, i got overcome by a second strong urge to tear.

Just nice, cummz called and i cheered up over icekachang with zsa, jeremy and cummz.

Who's to know that the one thing i thought would really cheer me up and allow me to lose myself in, double-dealed me. Double the pain, more like it.
I couldn't feel the music at all.
For once, i felt true revulsion watching myself dance.
When were my lines that weird?
Since when have i looked so awkward?
But i still tried again and again.
Freestyling, even basic bounce, and i gave up in the end.
Fucking useless.

The same numbers again,
Then the thoughts just flooded me, and very dejectedly, the numbers were wiped off the screen.

私の危険とので ,

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