Saturday, January 12, 2008

can you feel what runs deep?

when people say that facades do not matter...
they're lying.

eyes take a look, and you're slapped with a judgement.
right or wrong, it doesn matter.
because that's the power of judgement
and thats the power of first impressions.

i always thought low-key and not stepping on other's toes meant that i'd be spared from all that...judging and negatively embellished titles, but i guess i'm wrong. horribly wrong.

then again, it's my choice to take the taunts to heart isnt it?
some could brush them off and sneer...HA bulllshit.
gutty ones bite back with fierce retorts that leaves the taunter speechless and very possibly eating their own words.

so why cant i be able to brush it all of and treat it like senseles statements,
instead i let those words ring in my head with my thoughts reverberating with them.
i mind too much, yet at the same time i want to live the way i desire.
one severe contradiction.

ma always said we're the same-
always invitations for misunderstandings because our beliefs and dressings face major collisions
and also because people don take a breather and look deep.
they brush past the surface, touch and go,

never having the intention of seeming doesnt leave one free from acid words. nada.nope.
so glad two came clean when i probed. at least now i know.
16 pictures gone from friendster, i know that wouldnt change anything but still,
maybe...just maybe...

and yet i still wanna live it, and not be vice-griped down.
si-la-terh (?) speechless. low-profile (?) useless.


reggae today was just THERE. i felt out of sorts.
here, there. like a figment of my consciousness.
steps floated in and out. halfway i'm focus and then i lose myself.
i see familiar faces at the door and kapoot goes my steps.

i kept telling myself to stop bothering but yet i couldn, the more i told myself, the more i found myself losing focus.
i would kill to have alex's confidence.
that would take me eons to build up,
the C-trait died in me a long time ago.

when can i stop bothering about what people say?


brian just popped me msg-es online.
i miss talking to him, my one trueblue childhood friend all the way from age 3.
when he rings up, i'm gonna be blabbering,
the latenights outside starbucks and the street soccer courts, jus yakyakyakking.
it'll be our usual heart talks with deep thinking- simple but meaningful.

it's been a long time since we last talked, it's also been a long time since i talked to tons of ppl.

whatever happened to the supposed possible 6.1 gathering?
i miss fad,
i miss the good ol' times firing away in our bffdiary,
i miss sitting with her for two years,
i miss going googaga with her over eye candy,
i miss her miss ego trait,
i miss her diva darling character,
i miss our phone calls which lasted for hours.
and yet i hold back contacting her because it's been so long.
it's one melodramatic snowball effect that escalates.
i still rmb our last phone chat.

" we kinda not have much to say huh. it's not the same i guess. "
one hit-KO.
oh my dear drama queen, i really miss you so.
pardon my lack of balls (not literally).

and then there's sistaz3. yinhong and xueli.
i hope yinhong's well in vj, screw the backstabbing, i hope all's well.
so many green club meetings, so little to say to snow.
whatever happened to the best of yesteryears?

there's the showtime team,
there's benevolence,
there's barefooters
and lastly,

dear empathia.

why does it seem that the heralding of a new year always seems to bring about goodbyes (?)

5 plus in the mornings alone seem to bring out the emo nemo in me.
this post seems totally word-vomittish-
my thoughts all jumbled up, with 101 things banging around in my head.

hi dance i need your solace.
i wish my house had more space.
i wish i had a studio with dhoby surround and full length mirrors with stretching bar.

hi dance , do banish the emo nemo in me.
5.35 am dance sessions.

blow my mind.

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