Thursday, May 06, 2010

Today was a pretty bad day I'd say.

First of all i overslept and missed my BPharm lecture. Since i feel like BPharm is a little like mgen/mbio whereby you miss lectures and not fill your notes with scribblings means you wont understand shit= alot of catching up.

And then when i'm done and ready to head out with time enough for me to reach school on time.. I have to hunt for my labcoat. Which is terribly frustrating because my house is well.. my house. I have not laid a finger on my labcoat since last week and i remember very clearly where i last left it. Since everyone denies having any form of interaction with it, i presume my labcoat grew legs and ran away.

I came to school flustered and late. fuck that labcoat with legs.

During practical we had to stick metal rods ( i forgot what they were called ) down the throats of the lab rats. It's a scientific practice but i find it inhumane, just an opinion. I don't know, it just feels like there should be something less traumatising than this method, for the rats i mean. Hearing them squeak and seeing them struggle and gag just made me go weak-kneed and i felt like crying. I am very obviously a pussy when it comes to causing animals any form of discomfort, scientific purposes or not. It's like the ultimate most horrible deep throating ever. I would never allow anyone with the intention of sticking a metal rod down my throat come within a 10 foot radius of me.

And lastly was reggae, i had so many thoughts spiralling around in my head just now. But now it's just a plain .. I am not okay. I'm not even comparing myself to anyone, I'm just staring at myself, beig aware of my body and realising all the flaws. Of course i'm going to continue training and even harder, but it's just pretty demoralizing when you realise you don't get it. When you learn steps slow, when you lose focus so easily, when music sense isn't second nature to you and it feels foreign... help? Because this time round I'm really stuck.

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