Saturday, May 22, 2010

disclaimer: rant/self soothe alert

Yet another week gone that. The year's been passing a little too fast huh? It's like suddenly it's half a year gone, few more months and i'm out of school. Glad to be out of it, yet sometimes the unpredictability scares the fuck out off me. I never imagined myself to be flagging a 10k pay but i never quite put myself near a low range pay either. With uni out of my mind at least not in the next few years, I'm really really just testing the waters. And i really do not want to fail, the thought of failing in any sense irks me. Been failing too much of late, at least in my own standards, and i need to break that streak.

Anyway i've had something , this little prick nagging at the back of my head for a long time and i just had to let it out today ( Since it's a rant/selfsoothe/thoughtvomit post, i might as well just do it all at one shot ).

That little prick is well, just people who cant keep their mouths shut when they're supposed to. I dont mean people who shoot their mouths off at the wrong moments or use the wrong words, tact needs to be honed sometimes. It's the people who mess around with your trust by saying things they know they shouldn't. When someone confides in you, problems or secrets, they trust you. And repaying that trust by telling someone else the contents with a " it's just between you and me" , is not okay. I've been a victim of such incidences and finding out the truth sends an immediate WTF throbbing through every vein, either that or I've seen it happen to someone else. No particular incident to spark that thought, it's just recurrent. I wished people would see that trust isn't something to be lightly played around with.

Tonight's one of those nights whereby i'm so overwhelmed by thoughts that i wished my physical surroundings compensated for my mental clutter. Been thinking about how wonderful it would be to just return to a nice nearly empty house... white wash walls, beachfront view, white chiffon curtains, lovely breeze, my 6 cats, huge bed with fluffy pillows, a nice porcelain bathtub and of course, the company of yobo. It's one of those vexing moments when you only want the company of people who get you in entity or just soothe you. My cats and yobo definitely do it. Nobody gets me like you do, and for that i cant feel anymore lucky that each day i wake up knowing that i have you.

Rant moment passed and i no longer feel as angsty. Vexed, yes, but feeling better and i lost my train of thoughts. Right, back to some literal organising.

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