hollow

I'm afraid of things i can't control. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of fear. Because my mindless fears always do me in. They stop me from being my best they stop me from giving my best sometimes. But it has never hurt this badly till now. Of realisation, that my fears would hurt someone when i never meant it, when it's entirely my doing, my thinking and that what i fear most is really losing. That one day i'll have nothing more to hug than just a memory, a ghost of the past.

I've never felt so happy in my entire life, never felt like everyday was so worth remembering and keeping alive in my mind. It just makes me treasure what i have so much more, and makes me fear losing this just as much. Every hug and kiss hurts, not because i'm sad but because scared. I've only got love to give, i've got nothing else. What i have is perfect, it's always been what i wanted but i know i'm not perfect and that kills me. If i don't learn to love myself, i'll never be able to love truely. I'll never be able to see past all these fears. I guess it's time i changed myself till lying to myself because a reality.