Wednesday, January 13, 2010

my definition

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I spent pretty much the later half of 2009 thinking, trying to figure out, trying to define happiness. I was trying so hard to find something tangible, something i knew i could fall back on, something i felt i could finally seek comfort in... And i tripped over and over again. Defining happiness became something unhappy for me. But here i am , 2010 has just begun,
and where i am right now, it's happiness. No more searching blindly, aiming too high, reaching out too far... I'm just feeling this moment not thinking and just enjoying it. I cant quite put a finger to what it is exactly, but things are looking up , my mind's clearer i'm thinking more rationally, i'm being less emotional and i'm happy (:



If there's one thing i'd do this year,
It's to treasure whatever i have right now.
I've learnt the hard way about taking things for granted, because sometimes, it's really just too late to apologise and too late to salvage everything.
And now that i have what i have, i don't want to lose it, be it school, friends, dance, studies, money, love, family.
It's time i really cleaned up my act proper and do some maintaining.
09 was a pretty bad year for me, too much drama too little done but everything bad is just a figment of my memory now.
Truth be told, it all feels far away.
And apart from GEMS and the fb perf, I've had zero emotional attachment to anything else.



2010 has had a great start so far, I snapped out of denial and finally told myself that it's not going to work and i found closure overnight knowing i had given my all and it was time to move on. I found a huge part of happy, leaving me smiling and thankful and loved every day so far. Bridges i had foolishly chosen to break are mending back each day. And i realised how much i've really fallen behind in studies, i go to school and ... i don't know a single shit. It's not easy climbing back out from that pit, but i'm trying and i'd make it work enough for me to hopefully get me near that 4k. I'm making more time for the family, alot more, spending weekends with my grandpa and possible stayovers at my grandma. Blogshop wise, it's been a lil stagnant, new year, new start i plan to do some major revamping... like say. A CHANGE IN NAME. haha okay stupid fickle minded me, that'll be the third name once i change and the last. And lastly dance, i'm opting out of concert. Which really pains me, but i'm just not ready this year, and i know myself well enough that if i had to choose dance or studies, i'd definitely prioritise dance. Which would cause me to fuck up another round and i really do not wish to stay another year. So yea, i better make sure i sit my ass down to do some studying when i have to. I guess there's still FTL to look out for , don't think i could deal with anymore shit cropping up in dance just cause i just wasn't my best so i better redeem myself this time round.



Lastly, i stick by my stand that time isn't a measure for love.
Nobody knows clearer than us what happened, so if there are people who don't bother knowing and who are very keen to talk shit, fuck you. Don't assume.



It's 5am, i'm finally off to bed, drowsy meds got me sleeping way early and i finally feel sleepy.
Hope 2010 would be a good year for everyone around me (:
AND JADE IF YOU SEE THIS, I MISS YOU LIKE MAD I CANNOT WAIT FOR MONDAY.
AND AH MU I WILL SEE YOU SOON OKAY!!!!



4 comments:

YOBO said...

i love u silly girl. yao jia you!

ayozi said...

Wo hui jia you! (:

I LOVE YOU TOO YOBO!

Jade said...

WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE! I WANT YOUR LOVE TOO! HAHAHAHAHA

ayozi said...

HAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU JADE LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!!!!!!!