Tuesday, November 10, 2009

tender reed


' I dream', she said.

' I dream of nights, lonely. I dream of roads, too long.
And i dreamt one night, that one perfect night.
That love wasn't only for the lucky and the strong. '
, she continued, voice barely a wisp.

That tear trickled down, it finally did.
A stab right there, just right at that place , her heart.
It was the most overwhelming feeling, it hurt.
That tear caught the light, it glistened...
How could something so sad and painful be so beautiful?

It was gone, that tear.
Her fingers traced her face as they always did, and they left nary a trace.
She took a deep breath, her chest heaved, her heart wrenched...
and her lips.
They quivered , ever so lightly, ever so fragile.
This was the moment, one so bittersweet and familiar.
This was the moment she braced herself, to carry on.

She continued with words this time,
they were louder than actions for once.

"In my dream, I didn't have to be strong so much. You were there to back me up.
I din't have to be strong for you so much, you knew when exactly to hold your own and
I din't have to be strong for us so much because you were strong with me.
In my dream, You finally knew what to say and do.
You finally realised that those seemingly pacifying words do nothing but make me hurt more.
You thought of me, you really did.
You put aside your conveniences, you put aside your comfort, you put aside yourself
and you truely truely had me in your heart.

I know that you love me, i do and I love you just as much too.
But i've been getting weary of late, i've been feeling drained.
I want to be weak, because i am.
I want to be vulnerable, because i am.
I want to finally just let it all go, cry without a word yet everything will be alright.
Because you'd be strong with me, for me.
You'd stop putting down the phone to get away from dealing with me,
You'd hold on for me.
Hold on for just that one extra moment.

That was one thing you asked from me, i never forgot.
I never will.
And i've been holding on, clinging to that one last tick of a clock's arm.
That one last second, for you to be finally fine.
I've been chasing too you know?
Chasing after you, time after time, trying so hard to set things right.
Am i really not worth the try?
All you ever do is be silent.
That tears me up inside.

I really do love you.
I'll be waiting,
Till my dreams become reality. "

And they flowed, her tears.
She din't stop them.
Her fingers were clasped around the phone so tightly.
Maybe, just maybe, if she held on tight enough, those words would get to him.

The monotone beep of the phoneline,
He listened to it more than he ever did her true feelings.
Her words had found their way to nothing more than his empty presence.
The one stopped in time, flitting as specks waiting to settle.
The one who heard her was nothing more than the ghost of him,
he was fast asleep.
She slid to the ground, back gliding down the wall.
Uncontrollably, she sobbed.

She was underwater, yet again.

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