Saturday, April 18, 2009

sometimes i wish i were a bitch ,
then maybe i wouldn have to endure childish and self-centered mind games.
you've led a sheltered life,
having only problems from issues YOU chose to dramatise.
there's a lot you need to learn.
my dear, you need to stop thinking in your own box and realise that
the world doesnt revolve around you.
suck it up , this is life.
being sore and hurtful does not solve things.
have you tried seeing things from the other side?
because i have, and you have been assuming too much.
way too much for my liking.
but i will bow if i have too, because ego is not an issue to me.
if it pleases and pacifies you, so be it.
and the way you have cheapened such a deep word by hanging that sentence ,so nonchantantly and flippantly, off your mouth is really sad.
you need to see the world and learn that certain things
shouldnt be brandished about so flamboyantly.
being sore doesnt give you the right to entitle yourself to the pity game.
it is really, quite nauseating.
and assumptions, damn, your head is flooded with them.
stop living in a blame game, stop pointing fingers.
there's always a reason for things that happen, sometimes
it is really just you.

that being said, my life isnt 2D, there's way more than what's on the surface.
so no assumptions please, no "i think it's that person she's talking about".
because, unless i tell you.
you shouldnt think you know,
because you don't.
i'm not interested in drama, i'm not interested in burning bridges over superficial assumptions.
i have other things to deal with, involving more important people, that i have to worry about.
so thank you ,
for not creating trouble for me that i did not ask for.

thank you, i swear, i feel so loved and protected around you.
you're practically oozing with maternal instincts.
and thank you for all the advice.
what i truely need now is time, but not alone.
alone will blur my judgement instead.
now i need to go against the flow of things, otherwise i wont know.
i, being brutally honest, am very irritated with my personality sometimes.

hurhur, i know you know.
i know you've been trying to help and i appreciate that alot.
i think you should know what i'm talking about by now.

to the both of you dears, :D
i'm still keeping level headed.
there's a fair share of head and heart to this.
and a whole lot of conscience too.
really, a whole lot.
so i will do everything i can,
to make sure i make the right decision.
and to make it in the best way possible.
it may take long, but i will.
everyday i wake up, and i think about it.
and at the end it's always " i cant do it now, i need time"
i wont let that sentence conform into some sort of excuse and comfort zone.
it isn't now, and i don't want it to be either.
i will truely do my best to alleviate and address the wreck i created.
as confused as i may be, i'm still weighing all odds, still being impartial.
still trying to follow my heart yet not allowing it to mess up the thinking in my head.
and that being said.
i will be absolutely honest, i am confused, very confused.
love you guys and i cant wait to see you girls everyday in school (:

i will go to bed tonight,
and be thankful for all the people who truely care.
and to be thankful for all the people i truely care for.

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