Monday, February 02, 2009


" thinking for the future would spoil the moment with worry, but living for the moment is selfish and irresponsible "

words from me in the long talk i had with C.

" then stop thinking too far into the future, think about the near future but make sure you enjoy the moment"

i am utterly relieved and really happy to have him by my side close to 24/7. There's just this unexplicable sense of comfort that makes feel safe like that and it, feels nice. Living, studying, sleeping, eating, playing, attending lectures, talking , washing the dishes .. with the same person, is really a whole lot better than the solo life i envisioned myself to have. it is, a whole lot better. it's like a push and a pull, someone has to give in somehow, there has to be a compromise and there hasnt been a single fight. which is awesome since i practically breathe him everyday, it would be horrible to have anything remotely resembling a coldwar.

like i said, i'm just utterly thankful because there isnt anyone else i could find who really knows me so well inside out , who would spend a good few hours just listen to me ramble on about my confusions/worries/insecurities/tearings, and give me really sound advice that isn't that least bit " this is just to pacify you, to make you shut up ".

because in the 2 hours or so we were talking, i learnt alot. i'm still lost, still confused about who i want to be but still gratifyingly enlightened in every sense. we covered just about every topic from our history, to the past and present, to relationships, to money, to independence, to idols, to time management...what was most humbling and comforting was actually how much i've grown in this one year. how much i've changed.

i made some confessions, albeit good ones :) . i did a C&C, past and present and i am thankful for everything i have right now even though i am still asking for more. the best part was coming to terms with the fact that, i'm beginning to like myself this one bit more. i had nothing but hate for myself in the past, the kinda hate and distaste for everything i did and who i was. i'm moving away from that now, sure took me long enough but i'm glad i finally do. weirdly enough, these words which haven left my lips in 3 years or so- i'm beginning to like how i look more. haha yes, despite all my whinings and meticulous pinpointing of all my flaws. there's just this one fine line btw like and love isnt there?

for now, it's just absolutely wonderful that i have my soulmate beside me 24/7.
for the childhood and teenage years plague with problems and heartache.
the grass is suddenly greener on my side,
and life is fair like that.

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