Everything happens for a Reason

I don't want my life to be simple.

I want it to be the best i can make it to be.

BUT,

i want the simple things in life to be there,

time after time.

these days, i seem to have forgotten how the clouds float by and how people in transit are like.

I don't have time for the simple things,

I STEAL TIME.

yupppppp.

i steal time from lecture, i steal time from dance.

when yeemon is going on and on and on and on and on and on and on...

about his hocks, his medial, his carpus....

all i'm thinking about is,

WHAT IF HE WERE A HOT BABE OF A TEACHER.

and with all those action's he's doing,

damn...

HAHHAHAAHAHAHA sorry.

major side track..

i do think about it, BUT ONLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES!

it makes lecture more interesting ,though it doesn make it any more productive.

so ya, during times when i'm supposed to be focused,

my mind is off wandering somewhere ( not with yeemon ),

and only for that short little while.

BECAUSE REALITY BITES.

it's biting me like a stupid pain in the ass.

GPA,

i have to remember where my priorities stand.

dance,

i have to remember where my priorities stand.

friends and family,

i have to remember where my priorities stand.

I HAVE TO RMB WHERE MY PRIORITIES STAND!!!!!!

i'm getting confused as i type because when i think,

not one thing runs through my mind,

but the little thoughts are like on stampede,

there are tons of them running about haphazardly.

aiya shit lah.

basically i just don have time to do some little things that i used to love

I PINKY SWEAR THEY ARE LITTLE SIMPLE THINGS.

nothing like online shopping, shopping, outings...

things like just staring out the window on a long bus ride,

thinking about random irrelevant stuff,

and people watching.

because i'll be listening to music marking out steps in my head,

worrying about how everything is going to work out,

studies, people relations, dance.

WHAT HAPPENED TO SHEER BIMBOTIC FLUFF?!

but then again,

this is called maximising my time.

and honestly, with the little time i have.

I SHOULD BE DOING EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING NOW.

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

want and need. want and need.

wait... i think it's just that i don have time for myself.

even when i had a chance to have a lil me time today,

I REMINDED MYSELF OF MY PRIORITIES AND HOW I'M NOT SUPER SMART AND HENCE NEED TO WORK HARDER.

soooooooo,

I WAS AT MARINA SQUARE SUBWAY STUDYING!!!!!!!!!!

which by the way,

I GOT A FREE STRESS BALL FROM.

hahhaa cute :3

and i love my subway club and cookies.

and i need to lose weight.

okaaaaay, i should stop the I AM FAT RANT.

i am just getting FATTER.

there's a difference.

AND I AM A SLOW STUDIER WHICH MAKES IT WORSE ): ): ): ):

I MISS YOU AH MU!!!!

you're one of the little things i miss.

the fantasizing with you, to be exact.

i haven't found another partner/tablemate to do the same.

siiiigggghhhhhhhh.

i miss those times i spent half and hour eating my bread with cheese

in a bid to

diet ( sadly wasn't effective )

and save money which worked like an angel.

HA. whatever that weird metaphor is.

i don want to be the old me who used to hate outings,

cos i always couldn make it,

so when i had time and could make it,

i wanted me time.

sigh, what a prickly grouch.

now i'm out of that grouchy stage and into a whole new realm,

like a whole new world of spiked bubbles.

YUPP DEFENSIVE.

i protect my true self from people whom i don want to let in on the real me.

WHICH IS A WHOLE BLOODY LOT.

and it kinda gets to me sometimes,

something does. but i'm not really clear what.

stupid stampede.

I'M 17 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

hmmmmm, which actually isnt that bad.

considering the fact that at least i know how to prioritise.

but i need to learn how to manage my time better.

A GOD DAMN EPIPHANY!!!!!!!!!

i'm just effing bad at managing my time even though i'm prioritising correctly.

though sometimes i think i should stop putting myself last.

AND

I NEED TO START

TAKING COMMENTS WITH A PINCH OF SALT

AND START DANCING FOR MYSELF.

i have to stop taking note of every single comment,

and getting affected.

it's affecting my performance.

and i hate the AHHH I SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT kinda shit.

stupid regrets.

really, i need to filter out really mindless and useless comments that arent going to help me improve.

SHIT.

I'M GETTING SO FREAKING HARD UP.

it's like, i've changed so much,

been trying to make myself change,

so i can deal with certain issues better.

but i'm still at a loss as to whether or not

I WANT/ LIKE IT.

honestly, sometimes life's much easier being a doormat and accepting it.

than being a closet rebel.

what's the freaking use of getting stepped all over,

choosing to get my ego squashed,

and then deciding,

THIS IS THE EFFING MOMENT I BE STRONG AND
ASK THOSE PEOPLE TO GO FLY KITE.

because....

i dont.

i dont ever do it.

sorry major ranting post.

like yea, world peace..l..