Thursday, July 31, 2008

sometimes, i just wished my life would stop at this point.
and just like a video, i could very possibly press rewind to my favourite parts.
then watch them over and over and over again.

life has been so much better as compared to a few years back,
but i just feel so tired sometimes.
i should have gotten used to the relatively slow-paced life of poly.
well slow paced compared to secondary school,
but fast as compared to holidays.
BUT i seem to have trouble catching my breath.
and motivation =zilch.

amazingly, i feel stupid in poly.
in sec 3 and 4, even if i din come out tops, an A1 would have sufficed like a whole lot.
but after the whole o level saga.
my brain clockwork has reversed and changed a 180 degrees.
i'm veyr possibly back to mindset 2003.
where nothing but the tops work.
BUT BUT BUT. i fail quite miserably at aceing.
80 plus percent is not enough because there's the ninety plus that gives you Z.
and there's GPA.

am i just trying to prove myself all over again?
that i can fight back to 2003 or prelims?
i dont know either.
but the thought of putting in effort, and getting 9 points haunts me up till now.
every little stumble at studies and i just fall.
and i don feel like getting up.

GAH. i'm such a loser.
and go away dierear.
i still have to help zhixiang later.
sigh... HAP.

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