Wednesday, September 19, 2007

they dont flow the way they used to, they dont link up the way i would like them to, my structures,thoughts,wordsyadayada have become a mangled piece of mess.

when i read my past essays, i just wonder:
how oh how in the big blue sky did i manage to write that?
how did i even manage to link up all my thoughts together in a structured manner and merge them into an essay?

well,i express my deepest condolences to my pathetic self because i've lost my touch in writing.
losing my touch at writing is an understatement, and i know it because i know what kinda of marks my prelim essay would yield.
it was the most low down,unpersuasive argumentative essay i've ever written.

well done you lousy nimcompoop. you screwed up the subject you're supposed to be good at.
and i get another ace for screwing up my humans too.
my ehist. i studied, so why couldn't i remember what those japanese were doing?
comfort zones are doing me in, i wish i weren't such an woodhead.
yea. i wish.

everybody's going to jc arent they? i seem to be the only one considering poly, i have no idea where i'm steering my life towards.
this ship's going to sink any moment.

for once, i cant follow in dear old bro's footsteps.
engineering? sorry, i'm quite certain that i'll make a better burger flipper than an engineer.
i look at my bro now and he's like my hero.
i've never seen him break a sweat over his exams, never seen him grappling with self esteem issues and behind that sturdy physique of his lies the sweetest brother any girl could have.
and recently too, one of the sweetest boyfriends i know, atta' brother, you rock.

just this one time i gotta make my decision and stick with it. but the pressure's high. brother is mr-honour-row.his list stretches on beyond.... the president has given him an award, he's sp's model student, ntu has saved a place for him, his girl loves him, i love him, heck, who wouldnt?

i want to be a vet but its like i'm in some pressure cooker now, and just a little energy to push me and i'll just boil up and explode. i think my grandma would kill me, doctors WOW... mega prestigious. animal doctor? HAHA.maybe i've just been so used to getting the no go from her that i just cant imagine any other reaction than a sneer coming from her.

i'm such a coward.

i miss those loong loooong loooooooong ago times when i'll play powerrangers with my brother on a cardboard and create weapons out of clothes peg.
killed the enemy YAY.
brother, i miss then.

sweet serenity.
the hopes i had this just not too long ago?gone.
spasms of nostalgia are still knocking on my front door.
its been so many years,
it could have been the third ,
how can i just, let go?

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