Friday, October 23, 2009


"I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands"
- artist's comments.
I guess i can never truely open up. The journey from school on the way to haji lane, was bad. And it was sad, because the one person i could turn to, i no longer knew how to at least for that time, up till now. I found myself dumbfounded, clueless of what to say, clueless of what to do to make everything right again. And i closed up.
I want to place it in my own hands, to have a happiness within myself that would not be fleeting, that wouldn't run the risk of being treated flippantly, that i could keep close and know that even if everything becomes run through the mill, i could come back to this.
This one part of me that i have for myself.
And i ran through all the different faces in my head, the different names, the different people. I couldn't bring myself to call or sms anyone of them , to share my heart with. Instead, i sent out happy sms-es asking long ago friends to take care and that i thought of them. Then i switched it off
I guess it's time i stopped trying so hard to find something i could seek solace in, that i could place that fragile happiness in.
Because when that thing goes, even for a moment, tugged along with it would be my happiness.
And because i've never had a special birthday, one that people genuinely cared about...
I want to make everyone else's special.
So that they can feel the happiness i never felt.

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