Wednesday, April 08, 2009


emotional detachment.
i finally know and understand why;
because my desire to have everything in my life as a want is so strong.

i need you? i want you?
a need and a want.
i rather be a want than a need.

this is only when the lines are drawn really clear as to be put into either categories.
because a want , i don need. i choose to have it, choose to keep it. my choice.
i dont want to need someone, i don want someone to need me.
i don't like the feeling of obligations, of mandatory reins, of dependency.
i've been so dependent, so into comfort zones around the same people that without them i could just be a wreck. i want to learn to deal with things myself- to think about how i can solve something first before thinking about the comfort and relief i'd get from running right into the arms of my loved ones and crying my eyes out.

if i want you, i can live without you;
i can be emotionally detached easily because i don't need you.
but i'd still be around you, i'd still be trying to have you by my side because i want you,
because you mean something to me.
something more than just an essential.

then again, there are so many ways to read this, so many possibilities and i'd like to stick to just this and not think too much. don even want to go near the need and want at the same time, too complicated.

in every sense of the word.
to everything, anything even myself.

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