reminiscence

one year ago...

time passes fast... three months on and i'm still not over ewe. truth be told, i may say i don really care. but i do. i'm always checking out ur friendster account and blog, hoping that even though i no longer have the courage to enter and be part of your life, i still know whats going on. i know i was long gone from your mind. feelings fade, urs did, mine are still here. i want to know when everything ended but i guess i wont ever have that chance. it used to be that easy to talk to you, even in person. but now, even a convo on msn i don even dare to start.. i've been wishing hard that you'll get someone else so maybe i'll be able to put the past behind and yet, at the same time i don wan that too happen. i may have lost the relationship but i was hoping i'll be able to salvage a friendship, but i guess i don have the courage... my feelings will start all over again. everytime i look at something that showed some significance to all that happen i jus cant help but feel really upset. i din expect everything to end that fast. i might smile when i look at it, but i'll cry jus moments later... you did so much for me, everyone's been telling me how dumb i've been to be played out by you and yet i'm still like that.. you're the only guy whom i've been able to look past all those small flaws and see the real you. everytime i had a problem , i'll turn to you. it jus felt so right to go to you. even when you din say much, i always felt better. now, it feels wrong no matter who i turn to, even if they're closest to me... i depended too much on you. when wei ing said you'll come back, i told her no but i was hoping you would. when 29 came in nov, i jus hoped that the same thing would happen as last year. all these are jus my wishful thinking. it isnt jus 29nov times that i missed but the times all the way back to when i first noticed and felt something for you -p4. those memories in plant tissue culture, robotics, camp, sitting beside you during psle. they jus keep coming back. i guess it has always been me who felt something more and its still true. everything i'm hoping for now, i know will never come true.

i'm sorry . i'm still not over ewe. i jus cant let go of everything that happened.


the only reason why i even dared to put this here. is because i know thats u wont read this because your on mission trip . and i'm here missing you like i did last year.